In a “Leave All Things and Follow Me“ presentation, Richard Rohr says, “You have to know yourself before you can move beyond yourself. Most people therefore just glaze over when they hear such impossible idealism”.
Phoenix Strategies, Inc. (PSI) trains mediators and provides services using Collaborative, Facilitative, Interest-Based (CFI) Model. PSI mediators use this empowering approach to: follow disputants’ conversations, resist urges to lead mediation content and avoid recommending options for resolution. CFI Model mediators highlight parties’ thoughts/ideas, emotions and interests. Most mediators struggle with setting aside their own self-think and being solely present to mediation parties and parties’perspectives. Rohr gives insight into this dilemma. Self- awareness is key. Change can only occur when there is realization of “what is” and “what is needed”. Shifting mediator directiveness while keeping analytical thinking in check can take root in awareness. What does it take to “move beyond yourself”? The national Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) hints at reasons. According to the ACR Model Standards of Conduct for Mediators, “A mediator shall not undermine party self-determination by any party for reasons such as higher settlement rates, egos, increased fees, or outside pressures from court personnel, program administrators, provider organizations, the media or others”.
Can mediators be humble and let go of self images driven by success rates? Can we trust that disputants know more about their own situation and what will work for them? Can we believe that the empowering approach ultimately leads to settlements and more optimal settlements? And lastly, can we acknowledge that future business will be generated from returns or referrals by satisfied clients? Leave yourself behind and follow disputants!
