There I was, sweating away in a weight-lifting class when I noticed that the woman next to me kept examining herself in the mirror like she was enamored by her body. Without missing a beat or should I say rep, my first thought was, “Wow, is she ever vain! Some people are so shallow and self-obsessed!” I know what you’re thinking- Gee, that was a lot to infer about a complete stranger… And yet, we all do it effortlessly without a clue to our bias and its destructive nature. This is called the Attribution Theory, created by psychologist Fritz Heider in 1958. Did you know that you probably use the Attribution Theory every day in all of your relational circles? The Attribution Theory supports the idea that we all tend to attribute positive or external motives to our behaviors while we often automatically attribute negative or internal motives to the same behaviors of people around us.
Fortunately, in a rare moment of clarity, I realized that I too frequently glanced in the mirror. I also noted that I had attributed completely different motives to my actions than my peer’s even though our behaviors were the same. I knew that because of a serious back injury that resulted in surgery, it was critical that I practiced proper form when exercising. I relied on the mirror to insure that every rep was done correctly. The last thing I needed was to be laid up in bed! On the heels of this new found self-awareness, it occurred to me that maybe the “vain lady” wasn’t vain at all. I just wasn’t privy to her motives. Since I had no relationship with my classmate and she couldn’t read my mind, there were no ill consequences. However, you can imagine how the Attribution Theory might wreak havoc on our relationships at work and home. A lot of conflict could be avoided if we would tune into how we practice the Attribution Theory in our daily lives. Try it this week…perhaps the next time your co-worker is late or someone cuts you off in traffic!