Resolve Conflict by Digging Deeper for Interests
I was having a conversation with “Jackie” about her ex-husband, “Sam”. Jackie was upset because Sam kept “dragging his feet” on signing over permission for Jackie to take their two children out of state on vacation. When asked why she thought Sam was delaying this decision, Jackie retorted, “He’s doing it just to be difficult!” After asking a few more questions, I learned that this behavior was not typical of Sam. Furthermore, Sam had encountered a frightening experience while last traveling out of state. When Jackie took the time to consider these facts, she realized that Sam wasn’t trying to be difficult at all but rather, he had a deep interest in protecting his children and was fearful for their safety. Conflict is more quickly and effectivly resolved when you take the time to dig deeper and uncover what people really care about!
Resolve Conflict by Seeking Help Early
My husband has a high tolerance for pain so for several weeks he overlooked the uncomfortable dull ache in his abdomen. When the pain became more acute, he finally broke down and saw our family physician. The doctor took one look at his x-ray and sent my husband directly across the street to the ER entrance where someone would be waiting to admit him for immediate surgery. In a life threatening state, his appendix was dangerously swollen and on the verge of rupturing. I think too often we treat conflict the same way. We ignore or tolerate the discomfort of relational problems instead of seeking help before a manageable problem spirals out of control. This is exactly what happened in one of our recent workplace mediations. By the time the coworkers in dispute got to mediation, tremendous relational damage had already occurred. By not addressing the conflict in its initial stages, resolution required a much greater investment of time, money and energy. Secure a mediator or neutral third party early on to help navigate you through conflict. Don’t put it off until your relationship with a coworker, spouse, son or neighbor is on life support!